Sunday, November 29, 2015

The Fight Song Limitation Act

Whereas, repetition of a team's fight song can make an interesting feetsball game completely unwatchable;

Whereas, due to inept sound mixing by broadcasters, typically the fight song drowns out all commentary;

Whereas, despite the necessity to pump up the troops, avoidance of infliction of brain damage on the general public must take precedence over motivational music;

We inscribe and propose this Act, which shall be known as the Oh, Please Stuff It, Boomer Sooners Act, pursuant to which:

Performance of the fight song shall be limited to the following circumstances:

Upon a successful first down, one repetition;

Upon a touchdown, field goal, or safety, the scoring team's band may play two repetitions;

Upon final victory, three repetitions mayest thou play;

Four, of course, is right out.

This Act shall, upon its passage, include provisions for funding a permanent enforcement forcement, to be armed with, at the very least, quiet and efficient quadcopters armed with tranquilizer dart Gatling cannons.